Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
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