I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
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