I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
Randomize
