i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
