His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
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