i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
