By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
Randomize
