I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
