i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
