doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
Randomize
