if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
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