I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Randomize
