Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
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