We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
COCAINE IS GR8
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize
