it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
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