How long until YT realizes that it's a man?
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
