i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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