Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
