It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
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