By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Randomize
