he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
Randomize
