Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
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