We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Randomize