It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
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I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
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How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
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