I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
