pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
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