I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
Someone shattered a urinal.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
