I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
Randomize
