At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
