it wasn't lemon gatorade
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
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