my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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