OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Randomize
