Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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