I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize