I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
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