I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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