He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
MIDGETS
????
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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