Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Randomize
