Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
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