i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Randomize
