I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Randomize
