apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Randomize
