i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
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