I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
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