So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
