I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
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