just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Randomize
