Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
I just blew my weed a kiss
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
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