I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
Come back. Shots need mouths.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Randomize
