she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
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