The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
