just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
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