Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
Randomize
