Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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