I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
Just high enough for therapy.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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