So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
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