very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
Randomize
