I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
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