What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Randomize
