He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Randomize
