fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
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