he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
and i looked up. we had an audience...
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
