ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Randomize
