i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
Randomize
