Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
