i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Randomize
