Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
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