Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Randomize
