my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Randomize
