i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
This can only be settled by a dance off.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
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