Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
