I have demons in me.
Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Randomize
