Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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