I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Randomize
