omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
