I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
