are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
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