thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
worst night to have a conscience
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
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