the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
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