Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Randomize
