Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
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