so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
I'm passing your future prison.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
