mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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